The Property MAMAger, Part 2: The Things Nobody Warned You About

You buy the property, slap it on Zillow, and boom — passive income, right? Negative, Ghostrider. Let’s talk about the stuff nobody puts in the brochure.

1. The Time Vampire

You thought tenants would only call if the roof caved in. Nope. They’ll call because the smoke detector beeps once, or because the dishwasher is singing the Star Spangled Banner. Congratulations — you’re now a call center as well as an investor.

2. The Paperwork Olympics

Leases, background checks, maintenance receipts, tax docs…you will realize that you need a form for your form that needs a form. And you never can find that form. Suddenly you’re on Google, it’s 1 a.m., and you’re searching and quoting The Office. (Oh, Just me?) “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” (Definitely screaming.)

3. The Vendor Shuffle

Need a plumber? Electrician? Pest control? A trustworthy cleaner who actually shows up? (They are invaluable. If you find one, never let them go, Jack.) Spoiler: they don’t teach you “networking with contractors” in Landlord 101. Property managers already have these people on speed dial. I just try and make sure I don’t butt dial too many of them.

4. Vacancy = $$$ Down the Drain

Every day your place sits empty is money you’ll never see again. And trust me, marketing a property is an art form. Some people paint chapels and stuff…but how fast can they whip up a killer Zillow listing? (I feel the need…the need for speed.) Do you know the right platforms? The right pricing strategy? The right way to write “cozy” so people don’t think it means “tiny dungeon”? That IS a tough one. Fun sized…my house is fun-sized.

5. The Emotional Toll

As in, who are these tenants and how did they get in here? Then you realize YOU put them in there, and you’re the only one to blame. Investing in a property is a wonderful idea…but as with a lot things in life, you’re gotta get the bad pancake first. But it doesn’t have to be that way. A property manager is here to be your emotional support animal…we will let you know if you need to sit down.

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The point?

Owning property doesn’t mean you signed up to be a therapist, a handyman, a lawyer, and a marketing director all in one. But your property manager did.

So yes — hire the manager. And unlike some emotional support animals, I’m hypoallergenic.